A large proportion of our population suffer with some form
of mental illness nowadays. It can be extremely hard to deal with and finding
ways of coping is the hardest part. With little help out there and people not
asking for the help, puts insane amounts of pressure onto themselves, which
just perpetuates things.
Confession time – I have suffered with mental illness &
an eating disorder since the age of 17 and still have difficulties in coping
now. Honestly I don’t think it will ever disappear, it’s a matter of managing
it and embracing it’s a part of me. I was the person who never really sought
much help over the years; embarrassment mainly stopped me from doing so.
Determined to try solve everything myself but with not much luck, always a step
forward and then 10 backwards a few days later. I constantly locked myself away
from the world (the worst thing to do), jeopardising friendships and being so
alone. I’d run away and think this will work it will be the miracle cure,
drastic measures but no that was just stupid, no support system, no confidence
to go and socialise in a new place, no money. Upon reflection I want to slap
myself silly for that, I probably could have got a handle on things much sooner
if I hadn’t of done that.
Anyways, something that I found to help me cope with my
illness was exercising. Although it wasn’t as simple as just doing some
exercise and all is dandy, it’s taken 8 years for me to begin to suss it out. At the beginning when I found it was working
for me I took it to the extreme and was exercising 3 hours a day on next to no
food = not good! I managed to continue down this path for about a year
eventually my body just completely gave up on me, not surprising really. I was
in an all or nothing scenario and after that the nothing part won; I was too
exhausted physically & mentally. Shock horror my illness just got worse not
having my escape in exercise and I was
well and truly stuck in that dark place, thinking I was never going to get out
of it again.
I knew what would make me feel better, so why wasn’t I doing
it (but not to the extreme measures I was previously)?? This is the hardest
part of mental illness – to catch yourself when you start to feel low or
anxious and then tell yourself doing something will make you feel better than
giving in to those feelings. Trying to imagine yourself after doing that
something that helps you and how much better it will make you feel. On top of
this you have to mute the voices in your head telling you “what’s the point I’m
useless, a waste of space, just give up" etc. Sounds easy right? Oh I wish
it was, sadly mental illness absolutely consumes your body and mind. Plus you
feel absolutely pooped ALL the time because of the constant battle with
yourself and all the unhappy chemicals, it’s exhausting. As hard as it was I
kept persisting with it and eventually was able to catch myself – with help
from mum who would spot it before I did, “Mother’s always right” rings a bell! I
couldn’t face going to a gym so Davina DVDs to the rescue. However it wasn’t as
straight forward as one would think – just bung the DVD in, do it and bam! Anxiety
& Exercise = Disaster! This was a tough nut to crack, vicious cycle galore.
Anxious about doing the exercise in the first place even in my own home on my
own, anxious whilst doing the exercise that I’m not going to be able to do it
and constantly comparing myself to the exercise I was doing previously, anxious
about making it obsessive & becoming ill again, anxious about giving up, the
list goes on. Anxiety as we all know increases the heart rate, if you try to
exercise on top of your heart already going like the clappers, well it just
doesn’t work and you feel sick, que panic attacks! Oh yippee! I’d failed which
then just fed my depression. Eventually with much help from my mum & dad I
got out of the cycle, I was able to complete a few workouts a week, stopping
when I needed to, to control the anxiety and not beating myself up for it.
You’d think great she’s on a good exercise routine she should be fine
now….wrong! Now was the battle to not make it obsessive again– I was under my
mum’s eagle eye timing me and telling me I’d done more than enough for that
day.
It’s very easy to make exercise obsessive, you feel better
because it’s releasing all of those happy chemicals and makes you feel more
confident in your appearance if that is an issue. If it makes you feel this
good then why not do it ALL the time? For some people it’s great – just as long
as they are putting in the right fuel and not putting their body under huge
amounts of stress which will eventually lead to being ill. But the obsessive
part is a dangerous path, I’d encourage 4-5 days a week doing 1 hour of
exercise a session. It’s when it’s getting into the territory of several hours
a day everyday which is iffy. If someone already has depression/anxiety they’re
predisposed to other disorders i.e. eating disorders, body dysmorphia and it’s
when it gets into these obsessive territories of exercise that these disorders
can rear their heads. It also can take over your life, it can make anxiety
worse if something disrupts your routine, you can become very insular etc. You
have to stay mindful or even listen to someone telling you “I think you’re over
doing it”, they’re probably right. It’s that same thing again – catching
yourself when you’re overdoing it, trying to reason with yourself that it isn’t
going to be good in the long haul. A possible good idea would be to invest in a
GOOD personal trainer – they can monitor you better, teach you how much exercise
is enough for you and also act like a counsellor too. I wish I’d done this
sooner, it was only when I met my now partner Josh (who is a PT) in 2015 that I
learnt 1st hand how to exercise and not over do-it.
Environment has a lot to do with depression; we associate
certain places with certain feelings. Although my DVDs were working for me at
the time, I needed to get myself out of the house and around people again so I
took the plunge and got myself a gym membership – set myself a routine of
classes to go to first of all, as just walking into a gym mortified me, at
least in a class I could hide at the back and didn’t have to think about making
an exercise plan (which I’d probably make too ambitious based on when I used to
work out hours a day, get disheartened & more anxious, starting off the
cycle once again). This turned out to be a great step for me, obviously hard to
begin with but I got into a routine.
It was pretty much a cycle of this over and over for years –
doing ok for a bit then falling off the wagon then trying to jump back on. Lifestyle
has a big influence on mental illness. It’s about finding what is working for
you and what isn’t, the parts that aren’t you have to do something about it
otherwise it’s just adding fuel to that depression/anxiety fire.
I was in a series of job’s which I didn’t want to be doing,
not feeling fulfilled and that’s just no way to live life. I wanted to be doing
a job I was passionate about – change is scary for a lot of people but I embrace
it and if something isn’t working I would seek to change that. I was fed up of
half of my wages going on renting rooms for my massage therapy and doing a 2nd
job to be able to live, so I wanted a place of my own and luckily my partner wanted
to have his own place to train his PT clients too. Ambitiously we decided to
start our own small business. Never taking the easy route, obviously an
extremely stressful venture, not really wise to add in to the mix on top of
mental illness, but I was thinking about the future. Doing a job I love, being
fulfilled in life and achieving something for once.
It’s only really over the last year that I’ve felt like I
understand my illness more and how to manage it – I still have my bad days but
I’m having more good days now too. I have also sought more help from my GP,
counsellor, support groups, family and boyfriend.
For anyone out there with a mental illness just some points
to ponder and try out for yourself:
- Ask for help
- Talk to people – family, friends, partners, GP, counsellors, support groups
- Learn some breathing techniques to do whilst anxious to control your HR & for relaxation (diaphragmatic breathing)
- Don’t try and solve everything at once – take it a step at a time
- 10minutes of exercise is better than 0 – you will still get an endorphin release
- Don’t beat yourself up – we have a habit of doing this, we feel bad and yet all our thinking leads to making ourselves feel worse. Focus on the positives!!
- Find things you enjoy doing. Exercise works for me but it may not work for you. I know it’s hard to ‘enjoy’ things when feeling depressed but keep trying. Find something that will set off those good chemicals - it’s the start to having a more positive mindset & getting out of the vicious cycle.
- Find out what your triggers & stressors are (with help from someone close to you, they will probably spot it even before you do) – then you can have an action plan of how to cope/avoid/deal with them. It doesn’t have to be as bold as I did – attempting to start my own business, yikes!
- Remember to try and catch yourself!
L x
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